Why Trying to “Get Rid of Nerves” Makes Stage Fright Worse
You’ve prepared.
You’ve practiced.
You’ve done everything “right.”
And yet, right before you step onstage or into an audition, your heart starts racing.
Your hands feel shaky.
Your breathing changes.
Your thoughts speed up.
And your first instinct?
“Okay. I need to calm down.”
“Why am I still nervous?”
“I have to get rid of this.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.
Almost every singer, actor, and performer I work with has, at some point, believed that nerves are the problem, that confidence means feeling calm, steady, and completely unbothered.
But here’s the truth: Trying to eliminate nerves is often what makes stage fright worse.
Nerves Are Not a Sign That You’re Unprepared
First, let’s normalize something important:
Nerves are common.
Nerves are human.
Nerves are not proof that you’re bad at what you do.
From a nervous system perspective, performance activates your body’s alert system. Your brain recognizes that:
You’re being observed
You’re being evaluated
Something meaningful is at stake
It interprets this as important, and your body responds with energy.
That energy is not inherently negative. It’s activation.
The problem begins when we label that activation as dangerous.
Why “Don’t Be Nervous” Backfires
When you tell yourself:
“I shouldn’t feel this way.”
“I need to calm down right now.”
“I can’t go on like this.”
Your brain hears:
“This feeling is a threat.”
And that increases the alarm.
Psychologically, this creates what we call a secondary fear: fear of the nerves themselves.
Now you’re not just nervous about performing.
You’re nervous about being nervous.
And that internal resistance, that fight against your own experience, is what intensifies stage fright.
It’s like trying to push a beach ball underwater. The harder you push, the more forcefully it pops back up.
The Reframe: Nerves as Energy, Not Evidence
Instead of asking:
“How do I get rid of this?”
Try asking:
“How can I work with this?”
Nerves mean you care.
They mean this matters to you.
They mean your system is activated and ready.
The goal is not to eliminate activation. The goal is to channel it by giving your brain something else to focus on.
When performers shift from avoidance to acceptance, something powerful happens:
The body softens.
The spiral slows down.
The energy becomes usable.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you love the feeling. It means you stop fighting it.
And that’s when confidence becomes sustainable.
Building a Pre-Show Routine Around Acceptance
This is why I don’t teach performers to “get rid of nerves.”
I teach them to build pre-show routines that:
Calm the nervous system without suppressing emotion
Anchor attention outward instead of inward
Create familiarity and safety
Support confidence through intention, not control
A strong pre-performance routine is not about superstition or rigid control.
It’s about giving your brain and body a roadmap, so when activation shows up (because it will), you know exactly how to respond.
And that response is grounded in acceptance, not avoidance.
If This Resonates…
If you’ve been trying to fight your nerves or waiting to feel “fully confident” before stepping onstage, check out my podcast PERFORMANCE PEP TALK
In each episode, I walk through how to build a pre-show routine that:
Demystifies performance anxiety
Calms the nervous system
Recenters your focus so you can confidently walk onstage or into any audition room.
Because confidence isn’t the absence of nerves.
It’s knowing you can show up anyway.
🎧 You can listen to the podcast HERE